Women's Perceptions of Intimate Relationships Following shelter Residency

Studies have long identified the notion that women’s departure from abusive relationships is a prolonged and complex process, often involving preliminary separations and “preparatory stages.” Furthermore, according to a 2019 position paper by the Women’s International Zionist Organization (WIZO), approximately 40% of women who resided in shelters that year returned to their abusive partners after leaving the shelter. The phenomenon of women returning to their abusive partners has received significant attention. Common assumptions typically portray these women as trapped in the relationship, with their return interpreted as a guarantee of continued violence—yet this outcome is not inevitable. Consequently, current research in the field has focused on examining the internal and external factors that either increase the likelihood of returning to such relationships or, alternatively, support sustained separation.

Beyond the dichotomous analysis of whether or not an abusive relationship exists, there is a notable gap in the literature regarding the relational dimensions in the lives of women who have left shelters. The aim of the current study was thus to move beyond the prevailing research paradigm by exploring this relational dimension—specifically, the women’s perceptions of intimate relationships in general, and of their own romantic circumstances or lack thereof in particular. By exploring this topic through broader and more diverse perspectives, the study seeks to offer a nuanced and comprehensive understanding that considers the post-shelter life trajectories of these women and how they shape their encounters with intimacy and relationships

Semi-structured in-depth interviews were employed in this qualitative study. The research sample consisted of 14 women who had resided in shelters for victims of domestic violence between 2020-2023 and who had re-entered the community an average of 15 months prior to the interviews, without returning to their abusive partners. The participants represented a diverse range of ages, demographics, and educational backgrounds. Recruitment was conducted through various channels, including outreach to governmental and non-governmental organization (NGO) programs for post-shelter support, social media platforms, targeted community groups, and participant referrals from within the shelters.

Data analysis was conducted using both categorical and content analysis, emphasizing participants' language and the meanings conveyed. The analytical process involved identifying recurring patterns of meaning across the data set (i.e., the interviews), through iterative engagement with the material, recognition of recurring themes, and categorization into groups that reflected the meanings and narratives emerging from the data. This process yielded three central themes relating to the unique characteristics of post-shelter life as they intersected with romantic relationships.

The first theme pertained to the ongoing presence of the abusive relationship in the women’s lives after leaving the shelter, primarily through manifestations of indirect violence and the abuser’s attempts to reassert control. Women described how, despite physical separation, they continued to experience “remote” abuse and persistent harassment. These forms of violence were categorized into three modes, occurring across different domains: romantic pursuit and stalking behaviors, legal and welfare-related aggression, and abuse within the context of co-parenting communication.

The second theme captured introspective processes of self-inquiry and self-discovery that arose for most women during their separation, shelter stay, and reintegration. The experience of leaving the partner and residing in the shelter was found to prompt deep questioning of identity and renewed assertions of autonomy. Although most women described this process as a formative experience that reshaped their self-perception, a smaller group of participants described primarily external changes—such as shifts in worldview or increased awareness of trauma—contributing to or modifying an existing self-concept rather than creating a new one.

The third theme pertained to the women’s perspectives on romantic relationships from three angles. The first angle related to their emotional stance toward the abusive partner: Most participants expressed a clear and unambivalent rejection, with no longing or desire to renew the relationship. A few, however, conveyed ambivalence—simultaneously acknowledging emotional attachments and the positive aspects of the relationship while remaining aware of the risks. The second angle involved the women’s perceptions of romantic partnership as a social institution. Following their traumatic experiences, many defined intimate relationships through values antithetical to abuse, such as trust, safety, mutual communication, and being seen. The third angle related to caution surrounding new romantic relationships. All participants described experiencing caution and fear; however, they varied in their capacity to believe in the possibility of a safe relationship in the future. Some were currently in relationships, expressing high levels of suspicion and wariness, whereas others, who were not in relationships, either expressed hope for a healthy future partnership or, conversely, a sense of despair and a complete renunciation of romantic aspirations.

The aim of this study was to amplify the voices of women who have left shelters in relation to the subject of intimate relationships—a sensitive issue often accompanied by societal and interpersonal judgment. The choice to examine this topic from as broad a perspective as possible is both unique and valuable, offering a more nuanced and complex understanding of the post-shelter experiences and perspectives of these women. This research expands the theoretical knowledge surrounding women’s perceptions of romantic relationships, self-identity, and the ways in which experiences of intimate partner violence influence their interpersonal and intimate aspirations.

Moreover, by presenting the women’s diverse narratives, the study highlights the emotional complexity and ambivalence inherent in the transition from living under violence to navigating life with hope, caution, and at times, despair. This theoretical recognition is essential for expanding the academic understanding of recovery and therapeutic processes following shelter stays, and for exploring how women rebuild their beliefs about relationships and trust. In addition, the study’s findings offer a crucial empirical foundation for developing tailored therapeutic interventions that address the emotional needs expressed by the participants. The findings indicate the need for interventions that acknowledge the continued presence of the abusive partner post-shelter and the emotions that stem from this ongoing struggle, and that incorporate clinical attention to processes of self-discovery and redefinition. Trauma-informed approaches that recognize the lasting impact of abuse in post-shelter life are especially emphasized.

Alongside these therapeutic recommendations, broader implications for post-shelter support within social work and public policy were also identified in the current study. Namely, there is a clear need for professional training across sectors to recognize and respond to post-separation abuse dynamics, and for social support frameworks to include monitoring and intervention plans that address the risk of harm following relationship termination and shelter exit. The study findings further call for the creation of rehabilitative community-based continuums of care, and the establishment of safe, supportive spaces such as therapeutic groups and individualized programs aimed at empowering women and promoting healthy relationship skills.