Sexual abuse by a rabbi: The consequences on the religious male victim, on his significant others and on the relationship between them

Studies indicate that approximately 8% of men have experienced sexual abuse (Pereda et al., 2009; Stoltenborgh et al., 2011). However, researchers assumption is that the number of men who have actually been sexually abused is higher than the reported rates, due to the fact that many men avoid reporting the abuse they have experienced (Charak et al., 2019). The empirical literature concerning sexual abuse in men rarely deals with abuse cases that occur in religious societies and within religious cultural contexts (Tishelman & Fontes, 2017). Despite the extensive media coverage of this issue, there is a lack of empirical research knowledge about sexual abuse by religious authorities (SARA) (Mcgraw et al., 2019). SARA cases are a widespread phenomenon (e.g., Terry, 2015) that take place in different countries around the world (e.g., Doyle, 2017). However, most of the existing knowledge in this field focuses on abuses committed by Catholic priests, and because of this, various researchers call to investigate this phenomenon in a variety of religious contexts (Rashid & Barron, 2019). To the best of our knowledge, only a few studies that dealt with sexual abuse committed by rabbis were found (e.g., Lusky-Weisrose et al., 2022) but they focused on ultra-orthodox victims only and did not include victims from the National-Religious society in Israel.

A growing body of research literature deals with the diverse consequences on family members who are living alongside trauma victims. It has been found that the family members' reactions and ways of coping affect the victim and his recovery and that the members of the family system cannot be separated from each other. But while much research has been conducted on the family members of victims of terrorist incidents, wars, accidents, and terminal illnesses (e.g., Russin & Stein, 2022) the body of knowledge dealing with the consequences of sexual abuse on family members (Serin, 2018) and spouses (Christiansen et al., 2012) is relatively limited. Most of the studies concerning sexual abuse focused mainly on how the changes in the relationship following the abuse affected the victim's ability to recover and dealt less with the consequences of the abuse on the family members experiences and feelings. Also, these studies did not perceive the abuse as affecting the family system and did not examine both sides of the relationship. In addition, these studies did not investigate cases of sexual abuse in which the victim was male, nor did they investigate cases in which the sexual abuse was carried out by a religious authority.

Fogler and colleagues (2008) claim that cases of sexual abuse committed by a cleric should be viewed as an event with three perspectives: the offender, the victim, and the religious community. Each of them experiences the abuse individually and at the same time there are interactions between them. From this conceptualization, the present study interviewed for the first time both the religious men who were sexually abused by rabbis and their family members, thereby helping to create a multicultural and multidimensional framework for understanding SARA cases. The present study had two goals: The first goal was to understand the experiences both of religious men who were sexually abused by rabbis in their youth and of their family members (parents, siblings, and spouses) following the abuse and its consequences on their mental and religious state. The second goal focused on examining the relationships between the victims and their family members during the sexual abuse from the Rabbi and after its disclosure.

The desire to explore the experiences of the men who were sexually abused by rabbis and their family members, as well as the meanings they pour into these experiences, guided the choice of a qualitative study based on the constructivist paradigm. According to this paradigm, the meaning of a phenomenon or a specific event is constructed through the ways in which the people involved experience them and interact within them (Denzin & Lincoln, 2000; Van-Manen, 1990). The recruitment of participants for the present study was carried out in several ways. First, a call for participation in the study was published through social media. Second, an appeal was made to rabbis and therapists who are known to help religious and ultra-orthodox men who have been sexually abused. Finally, snowball sampling was used, where the participants were asked to contact and interest other potential participants to participate in this study. Data collection included in-depth semi-structured interviews with 30 participants: 16 religious or ultra-orthodox men who were sexually abused by rabbis in their youth (victims age at the time of the abuse onset ranged from 13 to 19) and 14 family members of religious or ultra-orthodox men who were abused (seven sisters, four brothers, two mothers and one spouse). The content analysis in this study was done using the constructivist-dialectical method of analysis (Ben-Ari & Enosh, 2019).

Several studies dealt with the negative religious consequences of SARA cases on the victims (e.g., Stevens et al., 2019). However, although substantial differences were found between the relationship patterns of religious Jewish men and Christian devotees with clergymen (Lazar & Bjorck, 2008; 2016), no studies that examined the religious consequences of SARA cases among Jewish victims were found. The first study examined the religious consequences of sexual abuse committed by a rabbi on the religious victims and its findings dealt with three aspects: the implications of sexual abuse committed by a rabbi on the religiosity of the abused men; the consequences of the abuse on victims attitude toward rabbis; and the process of finding a new rabbi after the abuse. Among other things, it was found that about a quarter of the participants described that they experienced a religious strengthening after the sexual abuse. This is in contrast to the claim of researchers that after a sexual abuse by a religious authority a religious strengthening cannot occur. In addition, it was found that most of the participants have restructured their perceptions regarding the status and role of rabbis in their lives, and that many of them formed a significant relationship with a new rabbi during the years following the abuse. The analysis of the findings revealed that there are many gaps between findings concerning the religious consequences among Jewish victims and those reported in studies about Christian victims.

The second study dealt with the grooming process carried out by the offending rabbi towards the abused religious man and his family members, before and during the sexual abuse. Despite researchers' agreement that sexually abusive clerics carry out grooming processes towards the victim's families, until the present study, no study that interviewed family members of SARA victims was found (Plummer, 2018). The SGM (The Sexual Grooming Model; Winters & Jeglic, 2017; Winters et al., 2020) contains five stages of grooming: victim selection; gaining access to the victim and isolating him; trust development; desensitizing sexual content and physical contact; and post-abuse maintenance behaviors. The current study findings revealed that an additional grooming stage that focuses on the rabbis actions to increase the admiration towards them, should be added to the SGM. It was also found that the model is not linear and that the offending rabbis moved back and forth between the stages of the model. In addition, it was found that unlike sexual abusers of various types and even abusive priests, abusive rabbis combined religious elements throughout all the stages of grooming and even used different tactics than priests such as: offering joint Torah study or joint spiritual development in order to groom the victim and his family.

The third article focused on examining the experience of the family members after they became aware of the sexual abuse committed by the rabbi and its consequences on their relationship with the victim. The dialogue between a trauma victim and his immediate environment following the disclosure of the trauma has significant consequences for both the listeners and the victim's ability to recover (Maercker & Hecker, 2016). Until the current study was conducted, no studies that directly interviewed family members and spouses of male SARA victims were found and to the best of our knowledge no studies regarding the consequences of the abuse disclosure on their relationships with the victim exist. Two main themes emerged from the research findings. First, closeness-distance axis, which covers a spectrum from becoming closer to moving away from the victim following the abuse disclosure. Findings revealed that in the eyes of some family members, the victims’ choice to be more physically and emotionally present in the family's life after the disclosure made it more possible to be with and engage with him. On the other hand, some family members described that the disclosure clouded their relationship with the victim due to lack of trust or difficulty creating intimacy. The second theme was “Who needs protection: The victim or me?” where family members were split up into two groups, one focusing on victim's needs and protecting them, and the second feeling caution from the victim and the need to protect themselves from him. The findings provided by this article regarding the family members experiences illustrated the need to provide emotional assistance to family members of men who were sexually abused by rabbis.

The unique findings of the current study contribute in a number of ways to the limited body of knowledge regarding sexual abuse committed by clerics and in particular by rabbis. In addition, this study contributed to the almost non-existent body of knowledge regarding the experiences of family members of men who were sexually abused by clerics. This preliminary study illustrates how the relationship between a rabbi and his student, which is perceived as holy and safe, may become abusive and offensive for the student and his family. This abuse may harm them in many ways including their aspirations to develop spiritually. The findings regarding the diverse religious consequences of SARA cases as well as the findings that abusive rabbis combined many religious elements throw out the grooming process, indicate the need to refer to religious elements during the treatment of SARA victims and their families. Therapists should be instructed on how to address and allow these religious issues to appear during therapy.

In addition, besides raising awareness of this important issue, the main contribution of the current study comes from the fact that it recognizes the family members of SARA victims as entitled to treatment in their own right and not only as helping or hindering the recovery process of the victim. For this reason, in addition to interviews with the male SARA victims, the present study interviewed for the first time the victim's family members. A variety of findings regarding their experiences, the range of their emotions and the consequences of the abuse on their relationship with the victim were presented. These findings illustrate the importance of continuing to research this field and to develop therapeutic and supportive measures that are focused on the emotional needs of the family members of SARA victims. This is important due to the understanding that the sexual abuse disclosure has a great impact on them and that they are entitled to get help. Another important reason is their significant role and great impact on the victim's recovery.