Behind Her Eyes: The Marital and Parental Experience of Spouses of Sex Offenders Living in the Community in Israel

Sexual offending is a common field of research worldwide, and particularly in Israel. Over the years, various researchers have worked to deepen the knowledge about the population of sexual offenders, to profile them, develop additional treatment methods for them, and improve existing ones. Another field of research within this domain is the impact of the sexual offender's behavior on his social, familial, and romantic environment. Regarding research in Israel, the consequences of the offender's behavior on his partner have been studied only a few times, particularly around the question of what experiences these women face after discovering their partner's actions, especially in relation to their decision to continue maintaining a relationship with him. This is particularly significant given that this population tends to avoid exposure due to fear of harsh and critical reactions and a lack of trust in the systems that are supposed to provide assistance to them and their partners (Eden, 2010; Duncan et al., 2020).

This study is based on the Social Exchange Theory of Kelley and Thibaut (1954). The theory posits that relationships, both romantic and others, are the result of exchange processes between members of the system. In romantic relationships, the theory focuses on understanding the exchange of resources between partners, evaluating rewards and costs, assessing self-worth, and comparing with possible alternatives. According to the theory, romantic relationships are built and remain stable when partners exchange valuable rewards and contribute to each other. Romantic partners typically seek to increase rewards and reduce costs in their relationship. The theory provides a framework for understanding the complex experiences of these women, their emotional state, the process they undergo after the revelation, and how they make decisions about their relationship with the abusive partner.

This research aims to expand the limited knowledge existing about the partners of sexual offenders living in the community in Israel, women who have chosen to remain in a relationship, with a focus on their romantic and parental experiences. The interview guide included questions that focused on several aspects: (1) the emotional process following the revelation, (2) the cognitive process they underwent after the revelation, and (3) how they made decisions about their future with the offending partner after the revelation. The study was conducted using a qualitative method based on the principles of the phenomenological-constructivist paradigm. Data collection was done through semi-structured in-depth interviews. The study included 10 participants, women who are partners of men who committed sexual offenses and live with them in the community under the same roof, mothers of children of various ages, with differences in age, work background, and religiosity.

The research population was located through the male partner – a man who committed a sexual offense and is undergoing treatment in the adult probation service. If consent was obtained from the patient and his partner for a phone call, the partner was contacted, provided with a detailed and clear explanation about the study, and asked for her consent to participate. Data analysis was conducted using thematic analysis, including coding, identifying themes, and in-depth analysis of the interview content. Throughout all stages of the research, special attention was paid to ethical considerations, including sensitivity towards the interviewees due to the content of the questions and the nature of the interview, maintaining their privacy, and ensuring informed consent.

Analysis of the research findings revealed four main themes regarding the participants' experiences: (1) First theme – the revelation stage – focused on the inner world of the women after they learned of their partner's actions. This theme addresses their emotional and cognitive experiences following the revelation of their partner’s behavior, reflecting the emotional and cognitive complexity in dealing with this discovery and the attempts to understand and construct a narrative for their partner's actions. (2) Second theme – ‘Don’t air dirty laundry’ – the decision to keep the secret within the family. This theme discusses the women's choice to keep their partner’s criminal actions a secret in order to protect the family, the children, themselves, or the partner, and the loneliness they experience. (3) Third theme – ‘Family is a choice’ – the decision to stay in a relationship with the abusive partner. This theme explores the interviewees decision to remain in a relationship with an abusive partner, analyzing the emotional process they described during the interviews and the constant negotiation between the losses and gains in their choice to maintain the relationship. (4) Fourth theme – ‘What do they need?’ – the needs and aspirations of the partners. This theme addresses the needs and aspirations of the partners of sexual offenders, both for themselves and for the abusive partner.

The findings of this study contribute to a deeper understanding of these women's experiences, the challenges they face, the impact on their lives, and the internal process they undergo following the revelation. This research has significant contributions on two levels. On the theoretical level, it provides an in-depth glimpse into the personal, mental, and emotional world of women whose partners committed sexual offenses, thereby expanding the existing knowledge about this unique population. On the applied level, expanding this knowledge allows for mapping their therapeutic needs and encourages practical thinking among professionals to develop tailored treatment programs that provide precise answers to these needs.