A phenomenology of loneliness among early midlife gay men in Israel

The purpose of the present study is to describe and to understand the phenomenology of loneliness among early and middle adulthood gay men in Israel, as perceived by them. This study will focus on trying to understand the unique components that can illustrate and describe their feeling of loneliness, as well as identifying the difficulties arising from their loneliness and the implications of this feelings for their lives.

Loneliness is typically defined as the discrepancy between a person’s desired and actual social relationships (Russell, Peplau, & Cutrona, 1980). The feeling of loneliness is described as a sorrowful yearning for connection and interaction with one another, as a painful longing to belong, to be accepted and to be valued by others (Rabin, Matalon & Maoz, 2017, p. 35). A sense of loneliness can be widespread throughout the life cycle and has even been defined as a 21st century epidemic. Loneliness has been associated with many negative mental health outcomes such as depression, suicidality, reduced positive emotions, poor sleep quality and general health, as well as physiological changes. Loneliness also aggravates the morbidity and mortality of cardiovascular, cerebrovascular, and other chronic diseases (Beutel et al., 2017).

Gay Men considered  as a minority group in the general population (Gates, 2011; Meyer, 2013) . According to the theory of Minority Stress, gay men suffer chronically from high levels of stress and pressure associated with their stigmatization across society, which explain higher rates of mental health problems among gay men (Meyer, 1995;2003;2013) . This stress can cause feelings of loneliness, difficulties in making meaningful relationships, and difficulties in making intimate and sexual relationships between gay men (Meyer, 2013; Frost & Meyer, 2009).

Studies on loneliness and isolation using MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) samples revealed high rates of loneliness either in rural or urban areas (Hubach et al., 2015; McConnell et al.,2015). In Addition, Compared to straight older men, it has been shown that more gay adults live alone without a partner; Live without children; They have fewer relationships with children and other relatives; They are less assimilated into general society, and have been found to lack external resources available to heterosexual men (Fokkema & Kuyper, 2009).

Although There is vast research about the mental health of gay men, only few studies directly addressed the feeling of loneliness among gay men, and even fewer studies have dealt with the age group of early and middle adulthood. In order to fill this gap in the literature, this qualitative research study focused on the subjective experience of Israeli early midlife gay man, and their perspectives on loneliness. In doing so, this research can help gay men understand the meaning of their experience, make their voices to be heard, expand the study on this phenomenon and make better understanding of it in a wider social, political and cultural context.

The study was conducted through semi-structured in-depth interviews including 14 gay men aged 30-50 from Israel. The respondents were sampled using a Purposeful Sampling,  which widely used in qualitative research for the identification and selection of participants relate to the subject (Patton, 2002). This involves identifying and selecting individuals or groups of individuals that are especially knowledgeable about or experienced with a phenomenon of interest.

By this method, the selected study participants experienced loneliness in the past or in the present-day life and which identified as Gay Men. The analysis of the interviews was based on the descriptive phenomenology approach in which interviews were conducted inductively (Patton, 2002), which assisted in finding the main themes of the phenomenon that described by them. Those themes were collected all together in order to learn and formulate consequences about the loneliness of gay men in Israel.

The analysis of the findings revealed four main themes: A self- discovery of being different in childhood,  Interactions with other gay men ; Dating men through location-based apps; and a chronology of oppression. Specifically,  participants developed a sense of loneliness already in their early childhood, noticing that they are not "like the others". This led to a feeling of shame and isolation, which in turn, led them to build "the closet". Encounters with other gay man seemed like a solution, but this solution  also led to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Participants described a virtual world of gay men, that exists in location-based apps. These apps created alienation based on their emphasis on appearance rather than on character. Finally, participants described what I have termed “chronology of oppression’ which entails  a continuous expectation to face heterosexual norms during the life span, and as a result – an expected continuity of their feelings of loneliness.

The findings were assembled into a model in which five types of loneliness appear in the various themes: loneliness facing the self (me) ; loneliness In front of the family; loneliness faced peers- gay men; loneliness facing the another - the heterosexuals; And loneliness facing Israeli society.

This research study has some practical implications. The results can lead to raise gay men' loneliness difficulty and lead (or carry on) developing interventions intended for reduce their loneliness, in the form of community creation, group therapy, psycho-education, affirmative individual therapy, and support the personal and collective striving of gay men for a sense of belonging. Such Interventions may raise their sense of resilience and to improve their wellbeing state.