The impact of self-differentiation and parental acceptance-rejection on fear of intimacy and the associations with marital satisfaction

The purpose of this study was to examine the impact of the recollection of parental acceptance rejection during childhood and self-differentiation on spouses' fear of intimacy, and the associations between one spouse's fear of intimacy and the marital satisfaction of the other.

This study is based on Bowen's systemic family theory, which posits that people formulate their level of self-differentiation based on their relationship with their parents, subsequently affecting their ability to establish intimate relationships and feel satisfied with their marriage. It is also based on Rohner's (2015) IPARTheory, whereby parental treatment in childhood "colors" intimate relationships, and affects psychological adjustment.

Method

Participants: 68 couples in the age range of 21 to 43, who answered 4 self-report questionnaires: PARQ assessing adults' reflections on their childhood experiences of maternal or paternal acceptance-rejection; RAS assessing marital satisfaction;  DIS assessing level of differentiation of the self; FIS assessing fear of intimacy, and a demographic questionnaire.

Results

The first hypothesis, which postulated that there would be an association between perceived parental acceptance in childhood and level of self-differentiation, was partially confirmed. A positive correlation was found between the level of maternal acceptance and that of self-differentiation among both men and women, whereby the higher the level of maternal acceptance perceived, the higher the level of self-differentiation. However, there was no link between the levels of paternal acceptance and that of self-differentiation. The second hypothesis postulated that the higher the level of self-differentiation, the greater marital satisfaction would be, and was fully confirmed. The third hypothesis, which postulated associations between perceived parental acceptance in childhood and level of self-differentiation, and fear of intimacy, was also confirmed. We found that men's fear of intimacy was predicted by level of maternal acceptance and self-differentiation, whereas women's fear of intimacy was predicted by both maternal and paternal acceptance, as well as the level of self-differentiation. The fourth hypothesis, which postulated a link between perceived parental acceptance in childhood and level of self-differentiation, and marital satisfaction, was partially confirmed. We found that perceived parental acceptance in childhood did not contribute to marital satisfaction. The fifth hypothesis postulated an association between one spouse's fear of intimacy and the marital satisfaction of the other, and was partially confirmed. We found that women's fear of intimacy contributed to their spouses' marital satisfaction, whereas the opposite was not found to be significant.

Although no hypothesis was made, hierarchical regression analyses indicated some mediation in light of the decline in differentiation when fear of intimacy was introduced. Path analyses were therefore conducted, and revealed that self-differentiation among both genders mediated between perceived maternal acceptance in childhood and fear of intimacy, whereas fear of intimacy mediated between self-differentiation and marital satisfaction.

These study findings constitute a significant contribution on both the theoretical and applicative levels. Theoretically, the most important finding is the contribution of women's level of fear of intimacy to men's marital satisfaction. This indicates a connection between women's emotional conduct in the relationship, and men's satisfaction, in terms of fear of intimacy, and the difference between them. Moreover, the path analysis provided support for Rohner's (2015) theoretical assumptions, whereby experiences of care and acceptance vs. rejection and controlling parenting impacts personality in adulthood (in the present study, in terms of self-differentiation) as well as interpersonal relationships. The study also deepens existing knowledge on associations between childhood experiences and their implications on levels of self-differentiation, fear of intimacy, and marital satisfaction. On the clinical level, the study findings may help develop therapeutic interventions for couples in various situations in life, such as a prenuptial intervention program. These could focus on raising each of the spouses' awareness to their experiences and relationship with their parents, not only on the level of their self-differentiation, but with regard to its effect on their relationship in terms of fear of intimacy.