Coping with swxual prohibitions: An examination of experiences and challenges of older singles in the Israeli Religious-Zionist community

Jewish Law prohibits unmarried males and females to have sexual contact before marriage. This creates a dissonance and struggle for singles, and specifically for males, who are in a continual conflict between the need for sexual expression and their adherence to Jewish Law which prohibits such. The purpose of this research is to give expression to the voice of single males in the religious-nationalist world who are struggling with this dichotomy between education towards modesty and natural, sexual inclinations. This research is based on in-depth, structured interviews conducted with 18 males. Results of the research lead us to identify two groups: one including interviewees who maintain the Law and do not have sexual contact with females before marriage, and the other, 15 interviewees who did not keep this area of the Law, and had partial sexual contact with females outside the context of marriage.

The results of this research indicate that all interviewees are conflicted within themselves and within the context of the social environment in which they live. All of the participants described significant stress in dealing with the prohibition required by this area of Jewish Law. This stress expresses itself through feelings of sexual suppression by those who keep to the Law and through feelings of guilt and pangs of conscience by those who choose not to keep the Law. Additionally, interviewees expressed feelings of frustration in that the society sees singlehood, in its essence, as a dangerous phenomenon leading to boundary crossing, exposing individuals to social pressures and rabbinic criticism for not being married. From their descriptions, singles also express feelings of abandonment from their families and a lack of understanding of the situation that they are in, causing them to hide significant portions of their life in general, and specifically their life within the context of sexuality.

The interviewees elaborated upon various ways by which they reduce the personal stress which they experience, at the core of their struggle being their emotions and logic, which in their view are more central than the legal prohibition. The interviewees provided different explanations for not keeping the law: that touch is critical to building an intimate relationship, that the prohibition of not touching the opposite gender is no less stringent than other Jewish Law prohibitions, that this Law is no longer applicable these days, or that they conscientiously disregard the Law.

The thesis discusses these various coping strategies and how singles cope with society and their families when dealing with topics within sexuality.