The experience of doughters whose mothers are cared for by foreign workers.

Homecare for the elderly through the integration of foreign workers has become a common solution and is now quite prevalent. More and more middle aged women find themselves caring for their mothers with the help of foreign workers.  Longer periods of old age add years to the mother-daughter relationship and extend the length of the period of parental care. Consequently, there has been considerable development of research on the various aspects of this phenomenon.  Most of the research in the field focused on old age and its unique problems.  

Studies that consider old age as a problem tend to identify points of tension between the younger generation, who act as caretakers and their parents, who need care. They focus mainly on problems created due to old age, the care for parents suffering from dementia and the challenge for children who have to balance the need to alleviate the suffering of demented parents on one side, and with the needs of their own family on the other. The emphasis tends to be on functional aspects and ways of coping, and therefore the focus has been on the role of primary caregiver or on the “sandwich generation” (Hantman, 2010). Caught between the concerns for their own children and the need to care for the parents, they are under constant pressure (Myers, JDC, Brookdale, 2011). Another type of research focused on pairs of daughters and mothers in order to identify processes in their relationships. Despite the wealth of research in these areas, the experience of the daughters whose elderly mothers are cared for by foreign workers has not been studied, and this is the purpose of this study.  

The starting point of this study is that the mother-daughter relationship is a dynamic living link, even when the mother suffers a decline of mental abilities due to dementia or some other reason. Unlike most of the research to date, which has dealt with this stage of life, this study sees it as a unique and exciting phase in the long mother-daughter relationship. This study attempts to learn about the relationship between daughter and mothers at this stage of life, in view of their former relationships. The study is based on qualitative, semi-structured interviews with 17 daughters whose mothers are cared for by foreign workers.The interviews were conducted by the researcher, following an  interview guide, which included references to the relationships throughout life, with the intention to focus on changes in the relationships  during the mothers' old-age stage, and with the introduction of the foreign worker.  

Analysis of the interviews led to the identification of themes that appear in all the interviews and categories that were created by the experiences of the daughters raised by specific types of mothers. The meeting between those themes and categories created a matrix mapping the experience as a whole.  

The key findings of the study are as follows: The first, basic finding is that the daughters, at this stage, regard the relationships with their mothers as central and highly important, in both emotional and practical terms, and that they consider her important for their lives and destiny.  Another major finding is that many daughters experience their connection with the mother as insufficient, a feeling that accompanies the relationship throughout the daughter’s life. In contrast, a small group of daughters maintain that they experience a satisfying relationship with their mothers. What is interesting is that both groups of daughters are committed to the care of their mothers in their old age, although in different ways.  

Another finding reveals that problems of separateness, which accompanied the relationships from the start, are an expression of the filial attitude, which does not disappear with maturity. Yet, when the daughters have to care for their mothers, they assume a maternal position which creates a positive motivation in the caring. Another finding indicates that the daughters could be divided into categories according to the type of mother, categories that may explain many of the difficulties experienced by the daughters with their mothers during childhood, maturity and old age. The experience of daughters of mothers that they describe as “rejecting mothers", "childish mothers” or “holocaust survivor mothers” creates situations that prevent overcoming the experience of “insufficiency” and the problem of “separateness” in connection with the mother. In relation to the foreign workers, indications are that the daughters do not experience a triangle, daughter-mother –foreign worker, rather, the daughters establish separate relationships with the foreign workers who are caring for their mothers. The daughters revere the foreign workers and appreciate their importance to their relationships with their mothers. They see the foreign workers as their project.  Against the background of the foreignness and the “otherness” of the foreign workers, the daughters’ relationships with the foreign workers are intense and complex.  

Finally, it was found that the daughters tend to be preoccupied with the question of whether or not they are “good daughters” to their mothers. The research indicates that, in most cases, the daughters have motivation to be “good daughters” and they transfer their mothering from their children to their mothers. The findings show that the mother-daughter relationships at this stage of life continue the bond that has formed throughout the lifelong relationship. It carries with it a new opportunity for change and repair. Discussion of these findings is examined in light of the literature in the field, and primarily in light of psychoanalytical literature.